I'm too old to lie to you...

Growing up, I used to spend summers out in "the country" with my grandparents.  I would spend days and evenings listening to them and my other great aunts and uncles telling stories about life and leaving their words of wisdom on our young ears and as I got older, I have appreciated their love and willingness to share more and more.  My grandfather is now 85 years old and although I was blessed to get to spend so much time with him when I was younger, I still feel that as he gets older that somehow he has so much still to teach me, so I make it a point to call him at least once a week so that we can continue to talk and he can continue to impart the wisdom that he has always been so willing to share.

I have been trying to ask questions about life, children, love, and relationships because 85 years of experience has a lot to share about how to... and how NOT to do things to succeed.  What I love the most is that when I ask him something that may have a story tied to it that I may not necessarily expect from him, he will start out the story by saying, "Now... you asked me the question... and you want me to give you the answer right?" I always respond, "Yes", and then he goes on to say, "because... you know... I'm too old to lie to you".  When he says that, I know that it is a story that I should pay close attention to and save all of my questions to the end because just as hard as it might be for me to hear, it is probably equally hard for him to tell his granddaughter.  So I listen and take it all in patiently.

After having a number of these conversations and hearing the phrase, "I'm too old to lie to you", I wonder when someone gets to that age where you are "too old to lie".  In our household, we make a conscious effort not to lie to people... and to not tell even the smallest lie is harder than you think.  A friend of mine made me realize that most of us lie everyday... EVERYDAY!!!! When someone asks you how you are doing, and you are not fine... often times we say, "Fine" and move on with the conversation because for one, they weren't sincere with their question and don't want the real answer, and for two because you don't want to explain how you really feel.  So their answer is, "I'd rather not talk about it," or if you don't want to inspire additional questions about your well-being then answer with, "Why do you ask?"  I have found that those are pretty helpful ways to answer that question that we often find ourselves lying about.  In other aspects of life, I feel like I too am "too old to lie" cause I feel like I have a higher accountability to myself. I respect myself too much to have to lie to anyone about anything. If it's not something I want to tell you, what is wrong with me simply saying, "I don't want to talk about it"?

I know that everyone develops at their own pace, but when someone closer to 85 than my age of 30 still has not developed that need to stop lying to people, does that make them a lost cause?  I just wonder what it is that pushes people over the hump, what causes people to develop and realize that lying and not being open and honest just opens up your life to be able to enjoy so many other things, to no longer be in fear of how it will make others feel or look at you because you will now know.  What's the worst that can happen... that those people won't be in your life anymore because you were honest? Well if that's the case, did you really want them there to begin with?  Who are we trying to impress by keeping up the idea that there is nothing wrong, or that we don't need to tell the truth?

My grandpa inspires me with his conversations every week, but the thing I love the most about him is that he is "too old to lie" to me, and that because of him, at 30, I am too old to lie to anyone either... what about you? 

The Most Amazing Blessing....

So... I have to say that I love watching the show, "Who do you think you are?"  My husband jokes that it is kind of like one big infomercial for Ancestry.com, but I can't help it.  I love it that people are finding out more about themselves.... finding family that they didn't know that they had... third cousins that they didn't know existed.  I know this may seem silly to some, and like a huge discovery to others, but it does open my eyes to how blessed I really am.  I could have nothing else in life but my family and still feel like the richest person on earth!

It wasn't until I reached adulthood that I realized just how important family was, it took me removing myself from my family, because we moved halfway across the country from everyone and everything I knew to realize what I had all this time, and now that I miss dearly!  The thought started before I left home and moved away... in 2004, my grandmother passed away, and she was my best friend... she was the one I couldn't wait to call and talk to when I got home from school and something amazing had happened that day.  When I was mad at my parents, as all normal teenagers are at one time or another, she is the one I called to talk to, and even though she always offered the SAME council that both of my parents had only moment before, when she said it... I listened. :)  At her funeral my brother spoke, which I was completely impressed by because I would have neither the words to say or the composure to be able to express my thoughts at that time, but he did, and so beautifully might I add.  He was speaking about his experience with his professors and peers at the university he attended as he made preparations to leave for my grandmother's funeral.  He said that as he spoke to his professors and peers and as he told them what his reason was for leaving town mid-semester, they made the same statements, "I'm sorry... were you close?"  He then realized that not everyone's relationship was not like ours.  Not everyone had the amazing relationship that we had with our grandparents or extended family in general.  At that moment... my realization of the amazing family that I have began.  There are many people who cannot say that they speak to their grandparents regularly...much less, share the fond memories that I have of mine.   They don't have a grandparent that they have memories of words of wisdom from because their grandparents don't talk about anything with them other than the usual small talk, "how are your grades", " are you staying out of trouble", etc.

Growing up, and to this day, every other year our family has a reunion.  I never thought anything of it until recently when I realized just what that meant.  On the last day of the reunion, just before everyone went their separate ways, we would all join hands, say a group prayer and then count off to see just how many of us there were.  It was always fun to do as a kid, but to sit here now at the age of 30 and think how great of a feat it was to get 200 + people together who were all related and loved each other so dearly every other year... was unimaginable for most families, but we did it with such ease!  The connection to our family was expected, and to travel to another city where someone was related to you, and just call them up was what you were supposed to do.

My family is not perfect... we have the same flaws and issues as others do.  There are those who are broken and bruised and what other families would call the "black sheep"... but the difference is that in this family... what I have experienced is love for everyone.  You may make a mistake, and you may even get shunned and talked about amongst the family... but when you ask for help, or you ask for forgiveness, or you ask for another chance... you get it , and with open arms and love and at the end of the day... we are all still family.  I am blessed... so very very blessed to be a part of something so amazing!  I am happy for those who are able to use social networking and ancestry.com and all the other modern resources that are available to connect with our family... and I don't take for granted that I don't need all of those... I was born into a family who found one thing important... and it is powering all of our engines to this day... FAMILY!

How do I look?

Another Oprah episode where she is interviewing an actress who has battled with anorexia and bulimia... in the supermarket... I pass a tabloid on which the cover of it highlights "the stars" and who has the worst "beach body".... on an entertainment news show, they blasted the haircuts and outfits that actresses had recently been seen wearing... and I thought... wow... if we are that critical of those in the lime-light... what must others think about me.  I found myself overwhelmed with what my flaws are... and like everyone, I found more than my fair share of flaws... and wondered how on earth that anyone spoke to me with as much as was wrong with me!  I can't believe that i had those thoughts... that I allowed that line of thinking to consume my brain at that moment... but as soon as I came back to reality I realized that that is how we have trained ourselves.  We care too much about what people think... we care about what we "look" like because that is what people see... we are judged by our covers.  It is nice to think that it doesn't matter... it is nice to think that people don't judge us based on our exterior... but that is not the truth. 

For decades... laws were created and changed just based on the color of our skin.  People were forced into slavery, it was against the law to receive an education, they were beaten and killed without more tears shed than would be for cattle... and it was all simply based on the color of their skin.  Once these people were freed... did that mean that people stopped judging them based on their outward appearance?  Of course it didn't.  For decades after those whose skin was dark, whos lips were large, noses were wide, hair was kinky... they were still treated badly. Although they were free... they were not able to sit in restaurants... they were not able to vote to have a say in their future.... not able to walk on the sidewalk if another person, one whose skin was fair, hair was not kinky, nose and lips were thin... a person whose looks did not match their own, was coming their way... they had to step down and wait for them to pass.  In the 60's... and during the lifetime of my own parents, those with the dark skin, wide noses, big lips and kinky hair were finally granted equality... integration was forced upon people... they HAD to be allowed to do the same things as others.  However, there was nothing the law to say that these things had to be seen as equal in all aspects of life.  It has taken many years to get to this point where we can work in the same places, eat in the same restaurants, attend the same schools... and even now... a few months ago in an elementary school in Mississippi they are continuing to regulate which students are allowed to run for office in their student council based solely on the color of their skin... just to "make it fair".  So how does that look?

 Did you know that in a recent study, has concluded that people who are obese earn less than their thinner counterparts... another way that "how I look" affects how people are treated.  We place so much emphasis on looks... that an entire industry has thrived because people can now pay a doctor to change their appearance, whether it is adding, taking away... they make the old appear young, the young appear more mature... they give us things that God did not intend for our bodies to have... and all in the effot to be more accepted... to have someone else "like the way they look".  I'm not saying that I am without blame... I want people to like me... that when they look at me I want them to see that I am a loving and kind person who has big dreams and a bigger heart... a person who is a great friend, loving mother, and inspired wife... but most people will look at me and "see" a girl, a brown girl... if they look at my finger, they might assume I am married... and if Phoenix is with me, they might assume I am a mother... but then... and only then if they think that we have something in common based on how I look will they decide whether or not they would like to find out anything further about me. 

I don't want people to look at me on the outside... I wish that wasn't the way things were.  I wish we didn't judge a book by its cover, but we do... and is it feasible to think these things will change?  Who knows... just a thought, but if you are reading this... maybe next time you "look" at me... you will see something more, and see a person who doesn't want to be judged by her looks and will do her best not to do the same! :)

It's coming... and no one can stop it...

My 30th birthday is right around the corner, and I can't wait.  I've heard people say, "you shouldn't hurry to get old", but I'm not in a hurry.. it's not like I can speed it up, just like they can't slow it down!  Try as I might... I can't make the day when I turn a year older come any faster... and truth be told, I don't want to.  I just enjoy the excitement of it.

I have never been a patient person... I can't stand to wait for things... I've never been any good at it.  I finally (as an adult, of course) had to admit to my mommy and daddy that for years, I snuck into the living room and opened all of my christmas gifts nights before christmas just because I couldn't stand them sitting there and taunting me that I didn't know what was in them! LOL! I then re-wrapped them... I am a PRO at gift wrapping! I can wrap just about ANYTHING, and well, if I may say so myself! I was a nosy child as well... always listening to what others were saying... what can I say, I'm a nosy adult too... cause I just can't stand the thought of someone surprising me with information later on.  So... the fact that I can't speed up or slow down time, to make a birthday, come faster of slower makes me a little excited!

 Time is the one thing that I can't even make the slightest efforts to try to change.  So... i get excited when days like this are on their way.  A day... the one day that everyone has and no one can change... sure... you can hide it... and not tell anyone your age, you can take good care of yourself, or you can get surgery to make you look younger than you are... but what is the truth whether you like it or not... you can't stop time! You cannot stop what your body is going to do naturally... and you can't change the past experiences that you have had because of that time that you have been allowed... you will grow older each and every year... each and every day... you will gain more knowledge than you had the day before even if only by your day's experiences.... and that is something that makes me happy.  There is something new and exciting about knowing that when you wake up... you have another day, another chance to do something better than you did yesterday... another chance to change the course of the rest of your life... another chance to right any wrongs.... and a chance to make new mistakes to fix tomorrow!  You have another chance to breathe and take in the world around you... you have another chance... just another chance... and who doesn't wish that we had another chance for everything?

If you have read some of my other recent blogs, you will have seen the one where I wrote about my "new life resolutions"... and today, I am making another one.  Each day... as soon as I wake up...I am going to take in a deep breath, and as I let it out, I will give thanks to the Lord for giving me another chance... because I don't deserve it anymore than anyone else.... but He is giving me another chance to change.  I do not want to waste this chance, but I want to celebrate it.... and I will celebrate each morning that I wake up to that new chance.  My next birthday is not a day different from any others really...but it is a marker in time that i can look at and say... i have had 30 years worth of chances... what did I do with them? I may not be the inventor of the next greatest thing, and I may not be the inspiring writer that authors the next best selling novel... but I can do something... cause as I have also recently said... "A little bit of something is better than a whole lot of nothing".  So although I may not set out to change the entire world, to create world peace and end hunger and homelessness, today I am going to change...and today... I am going to be something better than I was yesterday!

It's coming... I can't stop it, and neither can you... so what are you going to do with your chances?  I'm just sayin'! *wink*

Everlasting Holiday Spirit

The holidays are officially over!  The last of the turkey has either been eaten or thrown away... there is no more pumpkin or sweet potato pie.  For most families, there is no more Christmas tree, and the decorations have been put in the attic, basement or closet for storage until the next holiday season.... but what are those things that we can take from the holidays that we don't have to put away until next year?

What I love about holidays the most is that everyone feels obligated to show how much they care!  For thanksgiving... people say what they are thankful for... tell people "thank you" more often... and are generally more grateful for the things they have.  They open their eyes to their blessings and realize that things could be worse, and sometimes... a couple people reach out to bless those who are far less fortunate to allow them to be thankful as well.  Christmas... the season for giving... people spend every day from "Black Friday" until Christmas Eve combing each and every store for just the right gift for their loved ones.  Everyone is so giving at Christmas time and looking for ways to be kind to others.  Then comes the most celebrated, NEW YEAR'S EVE!!!! At the stroke of midnight, everyone reaches for the one they love to give them a kiss to commemorate another year gone and a new one beginning and showing appreciation for the year past and looking hopeful for the year to come.  The next day, most people declare what their "New Year's Resolution" will be... a lofty goal that they may continue in trying to reach for at least the next 3 weeks before forgetting about it all together!

I'm not saying all this to bash holidays, it is a great time of caring and sharing, but why does it only have to be at certain times of the year? I LOVE the holiday spirit... the excitement that everyone gets when they are looking to do something for someone else.  I LOVE it when people take a moment to figure out what they are TRULY thankful for.  I LOVE when people give to those less fortunate than themselves, or just give because it is the right thing to do.  I LOVE it when people take a moment at the beginning of the new year to make resolution to be a better person or to make changes in their lives to make things better.  What I want to know is why is it that people can't be that way all of the time?  Why is that we only have the "holiday season" to be thankful, to give to others, and to set goals to be better people?

I never make new year's resolutions, and this year will be no different, but going forward, whenever I think about it... I am going to make what I am going to call "New Life Resolutions".  Whenever I think of something that I could do better... I am going to try to do that starting on that day going forward.  My "New Life Resolution" for today is to have everlasting holiday spirit... to be more thankful, to be more giving, and to take each minute, hour, day, week, month and year, as if it was my last and to live life to the fullest, loving everyone as much as I can!    Each day is a chance for a new life.  Today is the first day of the rest of my life...and I will remember that each morning when I am blessed to open my eyes, and will continue with my "holiday spirit" all year long!

I have a dream too....a dream of respect!

Today was Martin Luther King Jr Day... a day to remember the man who had a dream.  Not just the man... but the dream... and those who fought for it.  I don't celebrate men... but I do celebrate the thought that we should all be treated equal.  I do celebrate the idea that we don't want "to be judged by the color of our skin but by the content of our character".  When days like this come around... at times... it serves its purpose, to raise awareness in social communities and serves as a reminder of those who came before us who fought long and hard to gain the rights and civil liberties that we have.  I was disappointed in what else this day brought about... the jokes from those who do not share the same respect for those who were put in jail, sprayed with fire hoses, attacked by police dogs, or even beaten because they fought for equality.  I have a sense of humor and usually enjoy a good joke, but not today... not about this.  For those who did not live to see the day when we didn't have to worry about what seat we were on in the bus.... or who did not see the day when we could go into any store we wanted... or those who did not see the day when we as minorities could even serve in the highest government office of president... those people... of all colors who marched, and sat, and loved "the dream" enough to put their lives on the line... they deserve more respect than jokes.  Its great that it is a government holiday and many people are off of work to "celebrate" but I think what they fought for is the right to work... the right to get out and do the things that they were held back from for so long.  So if you had to work today, don't complain.... someone was beaten to allow you to have that job regardless of the color of your skin.  If you went shopping today, remember that someone may have been put in jail unjustly for giving you the right to enter that store.  No matter what you did today, someone else paid the price so that you can have the right... so don't limit that to today, but remember all year long, and have a little respect for those who are remembering the dream. Appreciate what you have, and do something with it.  Make that dream worth it for those who didn't live to see it! Martin Luther King Jr had a dream, and I share it.  Those who worked with him to get us to where we are did not do it so that we could sit around and crack jokes, but I know that they would want to know that we are taking what they did and going forward to do bigger things!  They took the first step... its up to us to take the next!

"I look to a day when people will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character." ~Martin Luther King Jr  :  What are you doing to make this happen?